I have been negotiating with the cruel reality for a long time, it has been months and reality as it always does, hurts. I was just asking sihui where has God been? Why did he have to put me through these emotional turmoils? Just as I was doubting the love of God, Serene told me a story which made me realise that God has always been there, just that he is appearing in varied ways and its really up to our choice to see and feel it.
This week has been a week filled with misery and dullness, nightmares just came huanting at my doors. I mean real nightmares, not metaphorically. However, the presence of “my special friends” have made it better, I guess these people are God-sent gift and I thank them for being part of my life, for being my buddies @NYJC=)) Although things are still not getting better, I understand that there are still many people out there who truly care!
First, it was sihui-the-ape, who stood faithfully by me, listening to me and comforting me. Thank you ah meng, I know that you’re troubled by your own stuff, but I really appreciate it when you take the time and effort to console and to pray for me! Then it was Serene,Jo,zhixin and HH who spent the long hours in the LEP room attempting to analyse the situation and advocating new policies. Of course, yanyin and diana have been extremely caring and lovely too! Thank you for the phone calls and the sms-es, I know its time that to let go and not think about it, but then again, I need to confront my inner most feelings which tell me that I should jus hang in there and never let it go cos i’d most prob regret if I let it slip by.I think you girls should understand my dilemma. Yup, and mrs darcy Low, though I seldom get to see you around school these days, I know that you care cos’ monkey told me that you prayed for me! Thank you for being so willing to listen, but if i were to call you and indulge you in my world of misery, you’d most prob regret.HAHA! Connie and zhiyin have been really pleasant and even a particular male classmate of mine noticed my “poker face” and comforted me. While I was taking my usual afternoon nap, an acquainatant smsed me, telling me to cheer up. Even SY whom I’ve somehow hurt via my emotions tried to listen. I guess God came to me through these people and I know that he’ll continue to lead me on.
I was flipping through the songbook a few moments ago when I came across this song entitled “Thank you Lord for my special friends”, I believe that this song holds a very special meaning.
“Thank you Lord for my special freinds,
Thank you Lord for what they mean to me.
There are times when I’m down and lonely,
And it seems like the road will never end,
Then I want to thank you again my Lord,
That you have give me
My very special friends.”
I’m trying to step out of my comfort zone, I’m trying to take actions, it is rather tough for someone like me to take the first step given my character. But I hope they’ll improve the situation one day. One day, perhaps after gruduation, things will eventually “fall into place” (quoted from joanne). 有人说最深的感情， 往往以最冷淡的方式表现出来，我能相信吗？心有点冷冷的。To my friend (YES YOU,if you ever do read my blog, ok, maybe you dont), I just wanna tell you that we really treasure you and I’m now on the boat, trying to paddle forward. Although the current is against me, I’m still paddling forward becos I know we dont wanna losse you. goodbye
